ring of oaks

I give thanks for the ring of oaks that encircles me.

First, guardian of the left hand,
the gate of sleep and dreaming.

Second, guardian of the right hand,
the gate of work and craft.

Third, guardian of the brow,
the gate of knowing, of calm,
the face we present to the world.

Fourth, guardian of questions,
ears and shoulders.

Fifth, guardian of secrets,
waist and hips,
folding and protection.

Sixth, guardian of spine,
gate of power and lift,
the daily call to rise.

Seventh, guardian of answers,
the belly where new things begin.

And there, the outside oak,
guardian of the Other,
the mirror gaze, the self,
gate of the heart,
of attention and waiting.

This is where I live,
in the midst of all these gifts
and blessings.

We breathe together.

OOO

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singing gratitudes

The Ferryman paints rays of red and black rising from my eyes, arching across my brow.  He runs his finger down the memory braid the Wellspring left in my hair. “Now you’re ready,” he says.

I lift my arms, face the far shore, open my mouth and sing. I step forward into the current. The river rocks settle under my feet. The water is fast and icy. I sing. The fish in the river answer me, silver flashes in the dark. The birds in the trees rise in answer. A shower of bloom moves through the branches. The ones who move on padded paws answer, and the flying bugs, the singing bugs, the legged ones, the larva, all life turns and blooms and I am thankful for all of this. I am nourished by all of this. I am thankful.

Let my every gesture be a resonance of thanks.

OOO

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what comes of this

I walk out from the garden, wanting to be among the buffalo. My feet find an easy path and I follow it up a small rise to a gnarled old tree. The herd is before me, lingering at the shore of a small black lake. They’ve mucked up the shoreline with their hooves. Buffalo Man comes to stand with me. We watch awhile. Swallows rise and fall over the grasses. The quiet noises of the herd make good company. “This is good,” I say.

“Yes.”

“It doesn’t matter, does it? What I make of this. It is good of itself. It’s good just to be here.”

“What comes of this,” he says, “you wear in your face, wherever you go. A blessing to anyone you meet.”

OOO

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to see the life come into all of this

I am trying to cultivate a garden on my bank of the river. I have laid down rich soils and fenced off the rows, but the hot wind off the plain keeps leaching all the moisture out.

I stand with Urs looking out over the rocky plain. “We need some kind of a wind break that won’t block the sun as well. A wall or something. If only there were some trees out there.”

“Or maybe,” Urs suggests, “we should go find out where this wind is coming from and see if we can do anything about it.”

There is nothing I like better than realizing a thing has a cause and going about seeking it out. We set off straight away, heads down, into the teeth of the hot wind. I begin to speculate on the source of the wind. Maybe the sun and the wind are having a wrestling match. Or maybe it’s a dragon with his foot caught in a fissure, bellowing out his distress. But it isn’t anything like that at all.

It is a small girl, not hip high, in a red dress with a white bib apron and shiny black mary janes. She stands with her fists clenched, her face red and her mouth wide, crying: “It’s not safe. It’s not safe. It’s not safe.” The heat of her cry scorches the ground from where she stands all the way to the river. She stops though, when she sees us coming.

“Hello,” I say.

“How did you find me?”

“It wasn’t hard, we just followed the path of destruction.” She grimaces a little at that and takes a deep breath to commence crying again, so I jump in quick with a question. “What’s not safe?”

She is glad for the chance to explain. “All that complicated greenery, all those trees and roots and grasses. When it grows all up like that you can’t see where you’re going. It’s easy to get lost. It’s easy to get tangled. You can’t tell where to put your feet. You make mistakes.” She shudders at that and draws another breath.

“What do you need,” Urs asks her, “to make you feel safe?”

“Forgiveness,” she says, pure and simple.

And oh, we are flooded with empathy and compassion. How frightened she is of making mistakes. We bathe her in forgiveness. Urs cups a golden light in his hands, a tender ointment we spread over the girl’s parched and blistered skin. I lift her into my lap and rock her gently. “It’s alright,” I croon, “you are forgiven, my sweet, you are forgiven. Everybody makes mistakes.”

“You know,” Urs says, ”mistakes are funny actually. There would be little comedy without mistakes. They catch you by surprise and make you laugh. And laughter is a good thing.”

“But,” the girl protests, “what if someone is hurt by your mistake? You can’t laugh then!”

“If someone is hurt, you apologize and ask forgiveness. Then you move on. That’s all.”

I look back across the rocky plain and see it has bloomed into prairie. “Not everything is forest,” I point out. “Look how open and expansive this place is, but still fertile.”

And then the buffalo arrive. A thundering herd that takes my breath away. Buffalo Man is among them. He takes my hand.

I recognize the place now. “This is the desolate plain you wanted me to build on?”

“Yes.”

“This is where the herd of stories roam.”

“Yes.”

I am so glad of all of this, to see the life come in to all of this.

Back at the river my garden is flourishing. The wind that comes off the plain now is sweet and playful. People are coming over the river to buy fruit from the garden. The ferryman handles the commerce. I sit in the shade of the willows and weave. I am making blankets. They are story blankets. Everything the world tells me is woven into them — the river’s song, the prairie wind, the herd’s thunder. It’s all in the weaving.

The ferryman himself is wrapped in one of my blankets.

I thank you all for this blessing.

OOO

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Incarnation

We were on the side of a mountain, preparing for something big.

A man came to a small house all alone. There was a kind of disturbance of air about him. Or about me when I came near him. I went to offer him aid and got fluttery.

I asked permission to lay my hands on him in blessing, “May I?”

He was shiny bald – a long strong head. When my hands rested on his temples and jaw, he brought his forehead down to rest against mine and a vast calm flowed into me. He was the one. We were a pair, a unit. He smiled and folded his arms around me, receiving me.

“What is the purpose of this union?” I asked.

“We will make good things happen.” He cradled my face and kissed my eyes and cheek bones and jaw, as if he were sipping joy.

“It’s lovely to be the source of delight,” I said, “but may I not take delight as well?”

“Dear One, it is your delight that I am delighting in.”

“How will we make good things happen?”

“My arms are strong. My back is strong. My heart is strong. Little star, rest in me.”

“Who are you?”

“I am yours.”

My strength. He is my strength, my worldly power and presence, my doing. He is a shining one, glorious, of the world, an anchor and setting for my bright fluttering spirit.

I will call him Urs Trewli because I’m funny like that. He doesn’t mind. We will walk together from here.

OOO

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The mouth of something larger

The bear touches my chest, combs his claws through my hair, breathes into me. “You are always resting your head in the mouth of something larger,” he says. “This is the way with you.”

OOO

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Curious Joy and Infinite Love

A Creation Story

There have been countless risings and fallings, each beginning believing itself to be the first, though always and ever there was before.

Curious Joy awoke into wind and darkness. He believed himself to be the first and only. Above was black and open. Below was black and closed. This was the world and he was in it, the dancer in between.

Everything he knew, he learned by touch — lifting, turning and caressing. The edges of the world told themselves to him, stories of accretion and compression, erosion and fracture, fraught affairs with wind and ice, forgotten dreams of fire. It seemed in all the world he was the only breathing thing. Nothing told him different.

And then he came upon the bone.

Just the one, a singular thing, and ancient beyond measure where he had thought the world so new and he so first and only. When his fingers brushed against it, a golden light bloomed in his hand, a honeyed sweetness that moved up and through him in a wave and a moan. That bone, that bone. She had been, in a time before time, a being of infinite love. Golden and sumptuous as a cloud bank, she was music she was color she was light and she was gone.

Alone in the windy dark, Curious Joy discovered loneliness, and Curious Joy discovered longing. He folded the lone finger bone to his chest and he wept, and then he slept.

In his sleep he dreamt, and in his dream he saw the way and waking set about the task of delicately hollowing out the little bone, polishing it smooth and drilling holes along it’s length. Then he put it to his lips and he played.

His breath moving through the little bone flute was answered by her voice and light flooded into the world again and yes was born that day.

OOO

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I wish to say thank you

It was snowing. I was driving a small car to a place I didn’t know how to get to. I’d forgotten my luggage and my feet were cold. My breath fogged the windshield. There were chunks of ice in the road, hazards that required radical swerving to avoid. Glimpses of oncoming traffic. A break in the cloud off to the right revealed that I was on a high, high, narrow bridge. I was lost. Lost and alone and cold and blind and unprepared.

Then I arrived.

My hostess greeted me warmly. I stood soggy in my stocking feet just inside the doorway and complained bitterly of my sorry state. Through the flow of my distress, she reached a hand to touch my arm, seeing in my saga what I myself had missed. “Oh,” she exclaimed, “God sent you a Djinn!”

OOO

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lost in the tableau

The girl is lost in the tableau of her life. She has forgotten everything that moves. She is a log, a clod, a swale, swatches of color, the sky between branches.

OOO

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polish the vase

What does waiting look like?

Outside the winds of desolation moan.
The freeze scutters and blanks the world.

Do not stand at the window straining
to see through the blow to what is coming after.

Sweep the hearth, tend the fire,
polish the vase.

OOO

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